so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
