Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
