Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
