Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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