White coat. Heels.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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