Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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