Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
