Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she peed on how many people?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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