Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
