how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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