please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
