Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
