I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
