A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
