My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
