did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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