The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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