drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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