Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
