i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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