I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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