dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
