Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
