Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
