He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
