Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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