It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
