My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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