I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
