My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just want nice things and good sex
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
