so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
