If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
