dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
