Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
