Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
