girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
