The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
