Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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