Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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