Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
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Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
