This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
