How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
