Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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