She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
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she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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