I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
