I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
