Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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