Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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