i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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