Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
