I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
