oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
