so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
