This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
