Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
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i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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