Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
