i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
