I hate your face
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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