??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
