so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
