Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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