I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
