What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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