I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
smell my finger.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize