normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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