fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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