if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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