Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I believe in your delicious
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
