i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
