so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
