I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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