This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
