Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
