True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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