I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
