you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
