Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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