dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
