why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
