Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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