It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
