Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
