Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Bring me that man meat
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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