I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
