i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
