I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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