im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
