So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
